What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
two words: eviction party
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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