I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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