I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
