did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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