He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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