apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
