I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
