have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i think i just lost a toe
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
