Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
