3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
