Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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