ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
