If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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