Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
