she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
