he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
