I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
