Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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