FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
