therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
