I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
