ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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