naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
