I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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