its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
