It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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