Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
