I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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