i don't like sucking hair
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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