Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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