Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
