No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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