Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
