I got chris browned last night
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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