hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
