I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
