Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
