I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
