Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
