They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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