Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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