The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
