if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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