Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
