He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
