wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
