So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
