we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
