So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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