my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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