um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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