my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
