so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
