You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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