They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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