Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
