i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
