We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
