In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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