I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
