things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
