he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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