He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize