If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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