if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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