VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
if only i could text you this smell
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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